Murdercai
by artamagedon
Summary: Follow the misadventures of antihero Murdercai! Chill park groundskeeper by day, psychopathic, necrophiliac, sadistic killer by night!
1. First Blood

Mordecai frowned. He blushed with embarrassment, and sighed heavily. He brought a wingtip to his face, and buried it in it.

"Why can't I just do something nice?" Mordecai asked, "Why did I go with 'got your nose!' That was fucking stupid. It's just that, like, I get one of you guys in here, and sometimes, I just dunno what to do with myself, cause I never get the chance to hang out with good looking guys very often" Mordecai explained to the prisoner.

Chained to the wall, the prisoner, with his deer-caught-in-headlights look, raised an eyebrow in confusion. Ever since Mordecai had locked him in the park house basement, he had been acting funny. His captor had blushed furiously, and awkwardly complimented his looks for about ten minutes while pacing quickly in front of him. Then, he had suddenly turned to him, extended his wingtip to his face, and said, "Got your nose!" and laughed nervously. His captor now appeared to be rather embarrassed with himself. It gave the prisoner hope that he might be yet released. His captor seemed to be a person with thoughts and feelings. Maybe he was just confused?

The prisoner made some muffled sounds through the sock in his mouth, and the duct tape stuck over it. Mordecai turned to him and sighed.

"You want to say something," Mordecai said, as a statement, not a question. He was bothered by it, because usually he didn't like hearing his victim's voices. Not only that, but whenever he was stupid enough to remove their various gagging devices, they _always _screamed – and Mordecai certainly didn't like hearing that. Not one bit.

He always gave in to the _really _good-looking guys though. Anything for a pretty face, Mordecai thought to himself.

"You're not going to scream, are you, man?" Mordecai asked his prisoner. The man looked at him with his wide eyes for a moment.

"Because, the last person who said they weren't going to scream, actually did start screaming." Mordecai continued, suddenly becoming agitated. He stepped up to the prisoner, and put his knife against the prisoner's throat.

"And that _really_ upset me, you know?" Mordecai whispered into the prisoner's ear. "Because he said he wouldn't, and then he did. And…oh man, I've gotta tell you" Mordecai said, suddenly laughing a bit "I really could have responded better than I did" he finished, slapping his thigh, and shaking his head.

"I mean, of course you _could _hypothetically scream? But I'll be upfront with you, dude – we're in the park, and it's about a mile to the street in any direction, and the house above us?" Mordecai said, pointing upwards, "is really well soundproofed. I guess I've got myself and my friend to thank for that," he said. "So it would just be me you'd be offending if you were to scream. And I have _really_ sensitive hearing" Mordecai said, tapping the knife against the black area on his head where his ear hole was.

"I usually don't let you guys speak" Mordecai began, as he slid his knife under the duct tape over the man's face, "but sometimes I cave in. I mean, you're so _cute_," Mordecai said, blushing slightly. The duct tape came off, and Mordecai made a move to remove the sock from the man's mouth.

"It's a clean sock. Never worn – promise" Mordecai assured the prisoner. He pulled the now-wet sock out, and tossed it to the ground. Although the man now had the ability to speak freely, or even scream, he didn't. He said nothing – what could he say?

Mordecai suddenly grinned ear to ear uncontrollably.

"Look at you, dude – not saying anything. You're a good boy" Mordecai complimented the prisoner, and pinched his cheek affectionately.

"W - will you let me go?" The prisoner choked finally. Mordecai raised a wingtip to his cheek, and shook his head in sympathy.

"I'm sorry, dude." He said simply.

"Please no…" the prisoner said.

"I know, I know, I know" Mordecai said in the same sympathetic tone you might give to a very young child headed for vaccinations.

"I know it sucks" Mordecai said. "But that's just the way it goes. And hey – think about it. This is great!" Mordecai said, becoming excited. "Think about the way you woke up this morning – that was the last time you ever woke up in your bed. Just think about that! Most people don't ever get to think about their last day like that, cause they never know when it's their last day, you know?" Mordecai said to the prisoner. "It's really poetic. I'm jealous. I wish I knew I was going to die like that," Mordecai said.

"Oh god…" the man moaned.

"Hey, you're _lucky. _Don't forget that. I'm doing you a favor man," Mordecai said, stroking his prisoner's cheek fondly.

"You want a relationship, is that what you want?" The prisoner blurted. He was straight as an arrow, but his captor obviously had some kind of twisted sexual attraction towards him.

"Cause I'll give you a relationship. I'll give you all the sex you want… anything, please…" The man pleaded. Mordecai shook his head.

"It could never work. You can promise me you'll never tell anyone all you want, but it won't work. I mean, just think about it – if I let every John Doe walk outta here cause they asked to, I'd never get to kill anyone, would I?" Mordecai asked, "And the whole reason I brought someone in here tonight in the first place, was so I could do just that. Kill them. Then maybe fool around with the body a little." Mordecai said, slyly. The man started weeping gently.

"Please…not the knife…" He said, already anticipating the excruciating pain of being stabbed. Mordecai looked down at the knife in his wingtip, then back at the prisoner.

"Oh, haha, you thought I was gonna kill you with this? No way dude! I only use this for people who aren't so well-behaved, like you" Mordecai said, smiling. "You're a sweetheart" he added, and gave the prisoner a quick peck on the cheek. Mordecai giggled nervously, and turned away. The prisoner felt ill.

"No," Mordecai continued, "I'll use this." He said, reaching behind the protruding wall and pulling out a tank, connected to a mask.

"You won't even feel a thing. You're gonna love it, dude, promise." Mordecai said.

Before the man knew it, the sock was back in his mouth, and the mask was fixed onto his face. He couldn't scream, he couldn't say anything. The chance was gone. Suddenly, he felt a rush of air heading up into his nostrils. He tried to hold his breath, but he realized that as he breathed in some of the gas, it felt to him like normal air…maybe it was normal air? The man relaxed a little as he breathed in the gas. Maybe he was going to live after all. Just maybe…

The man's eyes fluttered shut out of exhaustion as his body mistook the nitrogen for normal air. Mordecai waited a few minutes longer, just to make sure that the man was really dead, before carefully removing the mask, and releasing his victim from the shackles. Now he was all Mordecai's.

Mordecai threw the body down on the floor, and slid his boxer shorts off. Mordecai had been restraining himself for this moment. The body's penis wasn't erect, obviously, but that didn't matter to Mordecai, who took it into his beak gladly. He always enjoyed tasting his victim's penis for a while, before moving onto anything else. This man in particular had an uncircumcised penis, which was something that Mordecai didn't see in humans very often, and so was rather a treat.

After sucking the dead body off for a while, Mordecai let the now-saliva covered penis slide out of his mouth, and fall limply against the body's upper thigh.

There were better things to move onto.

Mordecai brought himself over the man's body, and started lightly kissing him on the lips. His lips were a nice shade of red, not too light not too dark, not too thin, and not too fat. Plus, they were still warm. White humans always had the nicest shade of red on their lips, and it always contrasted nicely with their pale skin.

Mordecai let his long, thick tongue lick the man's upper lip, before forcing his way directly into his mouth. The man couldn't kiss back, but that didn't particularly bother Mordecai.

While he was French kissing the dead body, Mordecai played around with the man's long, black hair. It was one of the reasons Mordecai had abandoned stalking his initial victim choice, in favor of this young man. His initial prospective victim had nasty short brown hair, which Mordecai loathed. He had been pissed off at how he was unable to find a half-decent looking victim, until he had seen _him_. Young, mid twenties, nice skin, and nice hair. Perfect.

Mordecai finally brought his assault on the dead body's lips to a close. Mordecai could hardly contain his throbbing erection any longer. He had to take care of it. Then he would toss the body in the meat locker. He wanted to save this one for a while, keep it fresh. Usually, he didn't keep a body for very long, and he would eventually remove it's skin, organs, and limbs, or even eat some, but this one? This one was special. If only every victim could be like this one.

Mordecai flipped the body over to reveal a nice, round butt at the bottom of a slightly toned back. Mordecai moaned a little in anticipation just by looked at it.

"You're a hottie," Mordecai said aloud to the dead body, and he grinned, rubbing its back sensually. The fact he was dead made this all even better, and helped assuage his raging necrophilia.

Not needing to worry about the corpse being in any pain, Mordecai stuck his dick right into sweet ass of the effeminate man he had just killed. Thankfully, this too was still warm. Mordecai wasn't terribly fond of doing corpses that had become too cold.

Mordecai thrust deeply, moaning and groaning all the way. He pulled up the upper half of the body by his long black hair, and bent forward, licking the body's cold cheek.

"You don't mind this, do you?" Mordecai panted into the body's ear. "No, you don't. Silence is consent," Mordecai panted, grinning wildly.

As he was approaching sexual apex, Mordecai closed his eyes, and dropped the body's upper half. Mordecai's back arched backwards, and his beak opened, taking in deep breaths, and emitting pleasurable grunts. He was sweaty. The body was anally bleeding.

Then it happened. Mordecai cried out in sexual ecstasy, as his penis ejaculated a respectable amount of avian cum into the human's plump white ass.

Mordecai became pleasantly dizzy, and panted heavily for a couple of seconds before collapsing onto the body.

He weakly turned it over, and lay his head on the corpse's chest, holding one of it's lifeless hands in his wingtip.

"That was awesome. _You're _awesome" Mordecai said to the lifeless body, and then he blushed some more. He leaned up to the body's face, right up against its ear, and whispered '_I love you._'

After about half an hour of resting against the corpse's chest, Mordecai arose, and lifted the light body gently up by the armpits.

"I'm gonna keep you around for a while, dude. Even if I do have to do you cold" Mordecai said, unlocking the meat freezer in the basement. He entered, keeping one taloned foot against the door, and lay the body down against the wall next to the door.

"See you later, dude" Mordecai said affectionately and blew a kiss, before leaving the meat freezer, and letting the door swing closed behind him.

He climbed up the stairs, and opened the large wooden door to the basement of the house. He then closed it, locked it, and headed back into the house, which he had left unlocked. Locking the house door behind him, he slowly climbed up the stairs, careful not to wake Pops, and headed into the bathroom to wash the blood off his pelvic area. After he was done that, he headed into the room he shared with Rigby, and gently lay down on his bed, underneath the covers.

"Whu…huh?" Rigby grunted, stirring from his trampoline on the far side of the room.

"Mordecai, is that you?" He asked.

"Oh. Sorry to wake you dude. I went to the bathroom" Mordecai said. Rigby sighed.

"That's the third time this week dude" Rigby said, agitated.

"I'm sorry, dude! I'll be quieter next time, just go back to sleep. Jeez." Mordecai said. Rigby mumbled something under his breath before letting his body fall back down onto the dirty clothes he slept on.

Mordecai rolled over on his bed, his head resting comfortably against the soft, cool pillow. He brought the sheets up around his shoulders, and let his long, thin limbs sprawl out amongst the soft bedclothes. As his eyes drowsily fell shut, he smiled. It had been a wonderful end to a shitty day.

* * *

AN: Okay guys. I've seen this whole "Murdercai" idea tried out a few times in various places, and I LOVE the idea of it, but I've never seen it carried out properly - in my opinion. So this is my attempt at it. It won't be too long, it's mostly just a little writing exercise. Hope you enjoy it.

Oh, and for those of you interested in In the Mind's Eye, the next chapter is maybe 50-60% done. It should be up sometime tomorrow or early Wednesday.

Please review! Thanks!


	2. Distracted

Mordecai brought the handles of the hedge shear together with incredible force, the sound of sharpened steel coming together at speed creating a satisfyingly loud _snip_.

He had been mad at himself. He had spent all morning rethinking the previous night, and the more he remembered, the more he realized he had not been in control – of neither himself, nor the situation. He had shown weakness to a victim, he had been stupid, and worst of all he had embarrassed himself.

Now, if anything, he was incredibly upset. He had ruined a – what had seemed at the time – perfect night.

"Mordecai?" Rigby asked. Mordecai stopped his hedge shearing, and looked up sharply. He didn't particularly like being interrupted when he was having these sorts of thoughts. When he was interrupted, his rage would move up to his forehead, and his arm movements and tone of voice could easily become unpredictable.

This time, he kept it in check, because he wasn't much in the mood to piss Rigby off so early in the morning – not out of respect for his friend's feelings, but rather because Rigby was costly to reconcile with. Last time, it had taken a pork fried rice, a big gulp slurpie, and a six pack of beer, running the grand fifteen dollar total of Rigby's hissy-fit tax.

"Yeah?" Mordecai said, his voice steady and emotionless. He was good at that.

"What the hell, man, you weren't even listening?" Rigby asked, pissed.

"Uh… well… now you know what it feels like, I guess."

"Humph. Whatever. Anyway, I was saying I wanna to go to the comic book store, and on the way back, I was thinking you could buy us lunch."

"Pffft, get your own lunch, dude. Unless you wanna clean the fountain solo while I finish Axeman Jack on single player." Mordecai said. Being best friends with Rigby was a lot like being married, with Rigby as the stereotypical, submissive, spoiled damsel in distress. He would ask for money to buy things, make passive aggressive comments, and try to rule your life, and yet at the first sign of danger, or trouble, he would desperately look to the dominant of the two for help – in this case, Mordecai.

Many had wondered, though none expressed aloud, as to why Mordecai chose to remain friends with Rigby. Mordecai could have walked away any time he wanted, and Rigby would probably be unemployed, and living in his parent's basement, alone.

In reality, Mordecai had gone well out of his way to make sure Rigby got a job at the park. There was one primary reason Mordecai wanted to keep Rigby in his life.

Rigby relied on him. Depended on him. _Needed _him.

Rigby was utterly useless without Mordecai. He was nothing without Mordecai. Mordecai decided when and what they ate, what they played, how hard they worked, how much money they would spend, or save, what movies they would watch, what other people they would hang out with, and when.

This had always been the case, mostly, but over the course of their adolescence, it had gone beyond that, into what most therapists would shift in their seats, and swallow uncomfortably at.

Nowadays, when announcing a trip to the bathroom, Rigby would subconsciously hesitate, and wait for a spilt second after standing up, as if waiting for Mordecai's permission to go to the toilet, during which exact moment, Mordecai would say "okay." Rigby would ask _"Can we go to bed now?"_ and if Rigby woke up to find Mordecai not there, as was the case last night, he would angrily ask as to Mordecai's whereabouts. Though if he could see Rigby's eyes in the dark, he would see fear.

Mordecai owned Rigby.

Yet, still, there was something more. It didn't take a behavioral analyst to see that Rigby genuinely enjoyed Mordecai's company, and really did think of Mordecai as his best friend. He wasn't using Mordecai, per se, but his definition of friendship was warped beyond recognition. The first time he had asked Mordecai to walk him to the toilet after that scary movie had ensured that.

Mordecai knew all this – not keenly, but he was aware of it all the same. He liked their dynamic. All throughout life, he had shied away from confrontation, always been the awkward lanky guy who wouldn't put up a fight. But when he was with Rigby, he was God.

"Aw what? I'm not cleaning the fountain!" Rigby protested.

"Hmmm-hmmm, didn't think so, dude. But tell you what – I'll buy lunch anyway. I did kinda wake you up last night" Mordecai said.

"Hey, yeah, you totally did! Sweet! Listen, I was thinking, there's this new Mexican place, and we-"

"No, we'll have Chinese." Mordecai said simply, cutting Rigby off.

"Oh... uh, yeah, okay. Sounds awesome." Rigby said.

"Come on, don't look so down about it. I'll even get you an appetizer, _and _a dessert, as well as your main."

"Really!?" Rigby said, suddenly perking up, "you're the best, man!"

"Yeah, I know." Mordecai said.

From there, he let Rigby continue going on about plans, but his mind had already wandered back to the body in the meat locker. He had planned to keep it around for some time, re-use and abuse it. But ever since he had screwed up so badly last night, it was like the body had been tainted, and was now unusable. He needed to get better. He was supposed to be the one in control, not some little fuckwit who he had chained up, no less.

Yet, he let that effeminate little humie wrap him round his finger. If Mordecai hadn't killed him, he would probably still be sitting in the basement, laughing about how pathetic his captor was, with not a care in the world.

Now Mordecai had upset himself again, and was back to clipping the hedge with more force.

"Woah, woah, woah, what the hell, man? If you go too far, we're gonna have to go over the whole thing again to even it out." Rigby complained. Mordecai stopped clipping.

"Yeah, right. Fine." Mordecai said. He was shaking lightly. The emotional discomfort he felt was beyond description, and nothing felt real.

"We're done here. Let's go eat." He said.

"Really? Already?" Rigby asked.

"Yeah. I need to get out of here."

* * *

Hey guys. Sorry it took so long to update. I know some of you may be more excited by an update to Mind's Eye, and I promise it'll come soonish, but I've been having some major personal problems over the past few months which have prevented me from doing stuff properly. Sorry again.


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